Overhaul

Top = thrifted

High waist shorts = Landmark

Booties = Parisian

Back when I started working, I had a workmate who was a Psych graduate. During our free time, we took a lot of personality tests (which I still enjoy taking up until now, BTW) and afterwards, she would translate & explain the results to us. On one of the tests, she told me that I was some kind of OC, or something to that effect. Back then, I didn't full understand what the tendencies were. They just told me that OC people are the epitome(s?) of being organized. I told my mum about it, and without batting an eyelash, she said that it was very unlikely. It seemed that being organized was a word omitted from my vocabulary.

Over the years, when I've managed to get to know my self more, I realized that my former colleague had been right all along. I, indeed have an inclination to OCD. Though mum had been right that I am not the most organized (pertaining to the stuff inside my closet & my underwear drawers), it dawned on me that this is the case when my state of mind is in utter disorder, too. 

It led me to the conclusion that my closet (my stuff in general, actually) is a mirror of my thoughts. And right now, both my closet literally & (mental) figuratively are in dire need of an overhaul..

Life in Squared Photos

Life lately meant a lot of pictures (I'm doing the #100HappyDays challenge!), well include (a lot of) selfies on that. Catching up on reading (I have several new paperbacks, & started reading GoT on PDFs!). And discovering more & more places to eat.

Instagram: @kaishizzle

Hatemail..

Photos by Erika

Blazer & tattered jeans = Thrifted

Shirt = Divisoria

Flats = Parisian

Canvas Bag = Forever 21

A couple of years back, I received an anonymous mail. Ok, a "hatemail" to be blunt. It voiced out how he/she/it/they dreaded me as a person entirely, poking the right spots with such accuracy & precision. They despised the way I look - how ridiculously skinny I am (or was), how disgusted they were of my tattoos. They hated the way I speak, that they cannot contain sneering whenever they heard me. They mocked my thrifting habits, and taunted the way I dress.

I was enraged initially, of course. I wanted to scream - at whoever it was' face. I wanted oh-so-badly to lash out. My heart twitched, I almost let out a cry. I kept on wondering what was it that I did wrong? Is my fashion sense really THAT kind of bazonkers? Was stepping out of my (fashion) comfort zone another decision gone bad? I was wringing my brain for answers. It got to me big time that I was thisclose to un-believing myself. I was offended, outraged even. I had to fight off the strong urge to type a 3-page response to whoever it was, because it seemed like the most logical thing to do at the time..

But I didn't. 

I chose mature instead of logical.

I chose to re-believe in me instead of logical.

And simply because of the realization that ITJUST. WASN'T. WORTHIT. :)

Day by day..

Photos by Erika

Vest: Thrifted

Jeans & Shades: SM Department Store

Pumps: Mario D' Boro
Fedora: Borrowed

My heels alternately click & clack as I parade through my daily life. There are days when I feel strong & tough; when I feel well-armed with experience & all that. While there are some days that I feel under the weather; and sometimes there's this need to fill a misplaced gaping hole. Sometimes it goes out of hand.

Then suddenly, something jolts from oblivion. Shooting a message in invisible sticky notes. It took me aback that I'd have to pause.

I guess these millisecond life halts are healthy. It gives you the perfect time to breathe; or just blink.

I snap out of my zoned-out state, and I catch myself smiling. It dawned on me that no matter how crazy things get, eventually, it will just all turn out as wonderful. I guess we will never have everything figured out. No one probably ever will. There will always be episodes of going off course: stupid decisions, shallow tears, wrong turns, embarrassing moments - but there will be lots of epic moments too: family time, travelling to a new place, laughing boisterously with friends, a clearance sale at Forever 21.. the list will go on & on.

I continue to tread through my daily life. I think my feet need a time off of the height of my heels. I put my boots on & tell myself that how ever this day might go, it will boil down to one thing: Life is insanely beautiful.. <3 p="">

Living Life - Sweet Brown Style

Photos by Nyok

Cropped top: Edsa Central Bazaar

High-Waisted Shorts: Landmark

Fedora: Forever 21

Flats: Parisian

Specs: SM Department Store

Toxic people. Bitterness. Insecurities. Worrying. Settling..

AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh7UgAprdpM)

The Half'a year that has been..

January - Ilocos

February - Mount Romelo

March - Boracay

April - Bolinao

May - Sibale

June - Laguna

This year has been good, if not the best. And cliche as it may seem, time does really fly by fast, when you're having fun. I guess I am, cuz it seems that everything was a blur. I'm having the greatest time of my life, and all I can think of saying now is thank you, thank you, thank you.. <3 p="">

@TheSingleWoman

Photos by Jerry

Vest, Tutu, Boots = thrifted

Bag = Parisian

"And the elusive One That Got Away? She has days when she still can't cut the strings.

She has moments of panic when she wonders if her Prince Charming got lost somewhere or decided to settle for another less complicated, less stubborn, less independent princess. Sometimes, she doesn't know where she's going until she gets there..

She hasn't got it all figured it out. Far from it, in fact..

But she loves God & she loves to dance, and she's her own better half. 

The bravest woman I know? She is the reason I do what I do. She's The Single Woman.

She's me, and she's You.."

(excerpt from The Single Woman, Mandy Hale)

#ThrowbackThursday - This is based on a (Not So) True Story - Version 1.2

vest = DIY
jeans = Wrangler
boots = thrifted

Today is the day. She is smiling triumphantly because she is already floating amidst the calm sea. She almost drowned, though. From her own tears, that is. She surpassed the crazy storm of emotions that struck her the past couple of days. Emotionally exhausting that was, but none of it matters to her anymore.

She was ready to end the day, but fate decided to tweak the plot just one last time.

It was another familiar setting: blasting sounds from the karaoke machine; the stench of alcohol; the reek of cigarettes ensuing clouds that hovered lazily. She takes a short trip down memory lane. It was quick, but the memories were clear, too clear. He's yet to arrive, but the glimpses of the past beat him there. She blinked them away. She was still sure she will get through this with her head held up high.

Then everything was a blur. The next thing they knew, they were lost in their own world. In between puffs of smoke & the gulps of beer, they talked. About a lot. Probably to make up for the time lost, even though it wasn't really meant for them. He said a lot. A whole lot. After their little exchange of goodbyes over email, she never expected another episode of drama. Her tear ducts are still too sore from last session's overuse. Much to her surprise, he intrepidly admitted his faults, shortcomings, whatever it is that he could never, ever give her. She was flabbergasted as he unveiled a good portion of his emotions this time. She has tried oh-so-hard to undress him of his inhibitions from before, but now, he's stripping, almost bare.

The deep sighs, the endless sobs.. But no matter how much they cry, the fact that "it just can't be" still remains. No, not in this lifetime. The talk has turned into blubber now. Of apologies, and of thanks, for being part of each other's lives.

And the promise.

The promise that in the next life, it would be their turn. They would then be together. No more shitty ordeals, they will simply be together.

She woke up with puffy eyes & a heavy head. With vivid memories in tow, she faced the day smiling. Smiling the way she did before she was supposed to end the day. She was able to prove to herself that it was true. What they had was true. And for once in her life, she was given the closure that she needed..

Style Inspiration - Bestie Konisis

Photos grabbed from The Capricious Club

Bestie Konisis of The Capricious Club is one of my first loves on the blogosphere. Her style ranges from vintage to boyish to preppy to a whole lot more. When I stumbled upon her blog a couple of years back, I had to back read everything until I got to the very first post. It had some kind of Pringles charm: "once you pop, you can't stop". Aside from her amazingly eccentric fashion sense, another thing that captured my attention was Bestie's knack in writing. She's able to blabber about her OOTD in about 2 paragraphs, but it's totally okay! She's able to weave her words into golden threads of cohesiveness. No draggy feels. No urge of scrolling (up or) down to the pictures. Interest is what will drive you to the next pages. 

Thank you for the inspiration, Bestie! You're one of the reasons why I ventured out of my (fashion) comfort zone; and you also made me realize that the sure accessory to rock any outfit is confidence. Keep inspiring & happy anniversary to your blog. :)

#ThrowbackThursday - This is Based on a (Not So) True Story

She has come into terms with acceptance. Just like him, she has managed to get on with her life; yet they kept the thin thread of friendship that bound them. The informal farewell has sent her to Cryingville once again, but not him. He was quite touched with the little exchange of drama over emails. Touched, but not moved. Then again, they went on with their lives, still bound with that thin, thin thread. 

The countdown to the day of going away didn't really hurt her that bad. In fact, she felt free after her crying spree. A lot of suppressed emotional baggage were unpacked during that session. It felt good, alright. To the point that she was ready. Ready enough to face the days to come of knowing he's out of her life for good. 

With a smile on her face, she was strolling amidst the holiday-emptied streets. Yes, she is ready. It felt so real at that moment. That moment when goodbye didn't sting anymore.

(Or so she thought.)

TO BE CONTINUED..

Mondays..

Photos by Sane

I used to love Mondays because of you.. 

Nah. I just love Mondays. Period. Have a happy week! :)

Shirt, Pants, Studded Cuff - Gift

Beret - Baguio

Shades - Divi

Boots - Thrifted

#ThrowbackThursday - You + Me = The Worst Case of Not Meant to Be

Original post here

Faring in life slowly this time. Missing the excitement of the extreme lifestyle, but not giving in to temptation. The urge isn't that hard to contain anymore. You've learned your lesson. It feels different to savor the moments. Entirely different. 

Just chilling, and living by the so-so days. Everything's quite good, and then BAM! You heard something from him. Double BAM! He's leaving BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM.

It felt sad, alright. But after giving it some time to sink in; to let your mind devour on each & every word, something began to creep all over you. All the hair in your entire body stood at its end. That heart-crushing feeling.. so familiar. Then the warm liquid is welling up in your eyes.. More familiar. Then it starts rolling down one. by. one. In alternating, gushing streaks. Now that's it, here we go again.

It's really not because of the hopes of getting back together. That thought has already been locked up in one of the attics of your cerebellum. There weren't really any hopes to begin with.. because that, THAT hope, it was the one that screwed you up mentally & emotionally in the first place, so it's a big NO-NO. It's just because this 'leaving' thing? It's a dead-end. The casual HIs & goodbyes, the occasional chit-chat, all those petty things.. The thin-thin thread that held you two together, soon all gone. Into oblivion.

It's for the best, they all say. And you convince yourself of that, too. But there's just no calming down the tears. They're on a roll now. You just close your eyes & think that maybe, just maybe.. In the next life, the stars will be a little more kind, and then, your souls will intertwine.

Out of the Mundane

3 days, 2 nights - long enough to relax tensed muscles & minds, yet short enough to make you crave for more. I am now a travelling junkie..